Mindset Process to Improve our Self Love
April 27, 2020
Hi everyone!
This is Ludemia ( aka – Mia ) from Heart-Mind Equation
Today we’ve reached the 4th and last part of the series ‘’learning Self Love’’.
In this last part, I will explain to you 5 simple steps of a mindset process we can all use to improve our Self Love.
So let’s see 5 steps right away :
STEP 1 : is to be self-aware in the here and now
So to be self-aware, we have to engage in the present moment. Not living on the autopilot mode, sustained by our subconscious mind, where we can repeat the same mistakes and face the same challenges.
Everything we have come to believe from our past is only going to keep us there: in the past, as we keep having the same thoughts we had yesterday or the day before.
It’s funny how, when we are at work, we want to be home, and when we are at home, we think of something about work. Often we fast forward in our heads the next thing we need to do or the next place we need to go. Sometimes, with the same unsolved worries. So it’s easy to be living in the regrets of yesterday or the fear of tomorrow.
When we are fully present in the moment, we live consciously and it helps at so many levels. It makes it more difficult for our negative thoughts to emerge from our subconscious mind, as we are using our conscious mind. Less negative thoughts we have about ourselves, the better we feel. Instead of repeating history, we are making new memories.
STEP 2 : To block all negative thoughts about ourselves (especially those
related to conditionings), that gives life to all our FEARS.
The negative thought (related to our low self-worth or low self-esteem) has to be identified as only a THOUGHT, not as reality. That’s a way to say that we get out of our head at the moment and OBSERVE the thought, not necessarily confronting it. This is a way to detach the thought from our reality. We can even go back and find out what conditioning is associated with it: by naming the kind of negative thought it is ( fear, anger, frustration, etc. ) By knowing that, this specific thought only comes from a program, we can decide not to run it. It becomes easier to remove our focus from it. We then break the ‘’loop of negativity’’.
It takes from 9 seconds to 2 minutes before a thought forms frozen circuits from brain cells ( Neurones ). The faster we remove the negative thought, the better it is. Every time we ignore a thought, we disempower it and the neural circuits loosen. ‘’what we don’t use, …we lose.
STEP 3 : Is to replace the negative thought with a positive awareness
After we have identified the negative thoughts about ourselves and disidentified us from it by just observing them, knowing it was not part of our reality ) we need to replace them with a positive one.
For each negative thought, there is another positive statement.
For example, ‘’ I’m not good at any sports… but I’m good at playing guitar’’
‘’ My mother gave me up for adoption when I was a baby,…she did not want me’’ instead say: ‘’ I was adopted because I was wanted by my adoptive parents,…I was chosen!’’
‘’ I’m afraid not to be good enough for that job’’ Instead ‘’ I have what I need to execute this job. What I do not have I will get. Or ‘’I can find a job that matches my competence ‘’ .
The reason why we need to replace the negative thought by a positive one is simply because the mind cannot hold an empty space. If we don’t replace the thought that we just removed, it will soon come back.
We should never talk to ourselves or about ourselves with statements that we do not want to be true. What we say about ourselves out loud, strengths the thoughts we have about ourselves. We do not want our negative comments to become ‘’self fulfilling prophecies’’. Examples: ‘’ I’m so …’’ or ‘’ I never… ‘’ Also avoid using the words never or always.
STEP 4 : is to make a list of AFFIRMATIONS about yourself ( or make a recording of the list ), using your own voice.
All affirmations should be a positive sentence in the present tense, always. Preferably, the affirmations must express attributes. beginning with ‘’ I am’’. Read the list to yourself every night, before going to bed or every morning, when you just woke up, before getting out of bed and engaging in your everyday routine. Suggestion to read that list repeatedly for a minimum of 21 consecutive days.
Examples of my affirmations : I am lovable…I matter… My opinion
matters…I am wise
I am healthy… I am beautiful… I am admirable…
I am a high value to myself
I am worthy of happiness…
I am a child of Almighty God …
Famous author Nathaniel Brandon wrote a bestseller book, called: ‘’The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem’’ in 1994. In his book there some of the examples of affirmations that resonate with me, that I have joined to my list, such as :
I have the right to exist….
I have a purpose for living…
I live up to my expectations, not someone else’s
My life belongs to me
I deserve to be treated with respect
If someone treats me disrespectfully, it is a reflection on them, not me
I have the right to make mistakes because that is how I learn
I am enough…
You can have 2 questions about the recommendations for affirmations :
Question #1 :
Why it is suggested to do it before bed or when we wake up?
Question #2 :
Why do we need to repeat the affirmations for a minimum of 21 days?
Answer to Question #1 ( why before bed or when wake up) :
Mainly because our brain waves change from beta to alpha and alpha to theta when we are already in bed, waiting to fall asleep. So, our brain activity slows down.
This is the time where a door opens in our mind, allowing the progressive shift from our conscious mind to our subconscious mind. At that time, our subconscious mind is more receptive to statements and affirmations. The same process happens the other way around when we wake up in the morning.
What we teach our conscious mind ( in the frontal lobe of our brain ) has to be sustained longer, as it is influenced by our limbic brain, the seat of our emotions). r us to remember it. What the subconscious mind learns, stays on
Maya Angelou ( author and philanthropist ) once said : ‘’We can forget what someone said or what someone did, but we never forget the way that someone made us feel.’’
When something is printed in our subconscious mind, it becomes our TRUTH. Especially if we have a strong emotion attached to it.
Answer to Question #2 ( about why 21 days ):
Because it takes a minimum of 21 consecutive days of repetition of an affirmation or behaviour, to form a habit. The neurons stimulated by the affirmation or the specific behavior wire together to form ‘’frozen circuits’’ that can be activated on an auto-pilot mode. We call it neuroplasticity. So the statement ( or affirmation ) becomes true for us: New Self Conditioning.
STEP 5 : Visualization :
While we are repeating our list of affirmations ( or when listening to our recording ), we need to imagine and feel what we are saying. If it is an affirmation that you don’t believe yet, you need to say it with your eyes closed and imagine it as if it was true.
If you have difficulty feeling the affirmation as true, you need to talk to yourself instead of letting yourself talk to you.
Ask yourself for example, ‘’how does it feel to be joyful, smart, successful, patient, rich, outgoing, etc. Asking yourself a question right before preparing to fall asleep, is very powerful. The fact is that the subconscious mind registers the question, it will go and get the answer for you to reveal it to you, any morning when you just wake up.
I will eventually do a podcast on the Sleep Patterns that will illustrate what happens to our brain and also to our spirit when we are asleep. But let’s go back to our current subject :
So, you use your imagination to visualize your affirmations, to embody the feeling with your 5 senses. The power of directed imagination can make you feel a potential emotional state, as your subconscious mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is imagined.
As you are repeating your affirmations out loud, using your imagination: what do you see, what do you hear, what do you smell, who is with you, what are you doing, sitting down, standing up, talking, what is your mood? Etc.
The visualization can also be practiced with meditation. A moment in your day or your busy week, to be alone with yourself, in silence, away from the everyday world noises, to listen to yourself. Sometimes we can hear our intuitions, which is one language God uses to speak to us. If praying is, us talking to God, our intuition is God talking to us.
Unfortunately, when we do not appreciate ourselves, we tend to lose ourselves in different distractions, to prevent being alone with our thoughts.
In my case, my number one distraction is music, whenever I feel down or anxious. Some people turn to compulsive shopping ( mostly women ), others to social media, sports, even work, etc.
Sadly, other people though, turn to some destructive behaviors, that can become addictive, such as alcohol, prescription drugs or illegal drugs, gambling, unsafe sex, etc.
Outside distractions can be good but can only help us temporarily. It’s like putting a dressing on a wound that has not been disinfected first.
We cover it, to not see it, as sometimes, we don’t know how to nurse it.
That’s why the practice of meditation can help us reach a sense of peace within ourselves, disconnecting us from everybody’s requests or expectations. We can hear our higher self, through silence only. Meditation is also a way to access the subconscious mind. There are many guided meditation podcasts or videos you can access online. If you practice your own meditation techniques, do not forget to deep breathing, necessary to slow down our brain activity pace.
Using imagination to visualize our affirmations accompanied by a charged emotion will enter the subconscious mind. From Positive Imprinted Affirmations comes a Belief System that changes, in a good way, the state of our HEART, so we can feel more worthy, more confident.
Indeed, we need to align Thoughts – Emotions – Feelings
forming a loop from our Mind – Heart – Body.
Then, we can act and behave like a person who loves oneself.
SUMMARY OF THE 5 STEPS :
1) Self-awareness ( Living in the present + Disregarding the conditionings )
2) Disidentify ourselves from the negative thoughts ( Be an observer )
3) Replace negative thought by a positive one or an Affirmation
4) Read or listen to your list of Affirmations ( twice a day – minimum 21 days )
5) Visualization of the Affirmations accompanied by the appropriate emotion ( with or without meditation ) .
CONCLUSION
So this completes my Learning Self Love series. Hope you enjoyed it!
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Until then, this is Mia, and thank you for tuning in to my channel :
Heart-Mind Equation: Where you UNLOCK hidden potential!!!