How to Build Self Significance
April 22, 2020
Hi everyone
My name is Ludemia ( aka – Mia ) and
welcome to my chanel Heart Mind Equation
This is part 3 of my Learning Self Love Podcast serie.
In the last Part 2 of my serie, I have listed to you how we can apply the 10 relationnal needs to ourselves, to improuve our self love.
Now, we need to adress the concept of personal significance. Need to admit that one thing I was struggleling with, for a long time now, was getting my self worth validations from myself, instead of other people.
Indeed, lack of self love starts with low self estime, related to low self worth perceived. I purpously use the word PERCEIVED, because, most of the times, we tend to base our worth on the sense of significance we get from other people.
Just like myself, in the beginnig of my marriage, I’ve only started to believe I was worthy of love when my husband was showing me affection, attention and encouragement. That was the only ways I validated how significant I was to him.
The problem was that I was not feeling significant enough or worthy enough to myself. So I was trying to find it in him and in other people. That’s why I was a ‘’people pleaser’’, putting everyone’s needs and wishes above my own, to become significant to them. Although, we have to agree that, from a person to another, this idea of significance changes. So I was running in circle, chasing after my own tale.
When we feel significant, only through the eyes of other people, we get to lose our sense of identity, as well. Why? Simply because the other people perceive us through their own guidelines, or on what they think they know about us, that sometimes, have nothing to do with us. It is not what they know that is a problem. It’s what they think they know that isn’t so.
One writer once quoted : ‘’ I’m not who I think I am… I’m not who you think I am… I am who I think you think I am. Meaning that, at times, we end up behaving a way that matches the way the other person sees us. So we tend to live in a perception of a perception of ouselves.
So one way to increase our self love is to increase our self estime by being significant to ourselves. By feeling significant, we mean ‘’feeling important’’ to ourselves, give ourselves a sense of value. I ‘m begining to talk to myself in a positive way, instead of letting myself talk to me in a negative way. No more crittical coments about myself. Beatting ourself up only delays our self acceptance.
So in my Improuving Self Love Journey, first thing I have decided to do, is to ACCEPT myself, to be able to FORGIVE myself.
To be able to accept ourselves, we need to have a sense of identity. We need to know who we are and also where we are in our life, to know who we want to be and where we want to go. To find our passions, our projects, our goals. So, there are 3 concepts to consider for self acceptance: self identity, self forgiveness and self direction.
At the same time, when I say not be critical towards ourselves, I don’t mean to start blaming other people for every unfortunate situation we encounter. SELF RESPONSABILITY is also a way to improuve our self esteem.
Meaning I achnoledged the mistakes I did in the past, and mouve forward by learning the lesseons they had to teach me to take better decision if similar situations accure. When you know better, you do better.
It does’t help to act like a victim of people or of a situation. That is only being reactive. We need to be able to recognize where our action or behaviour has influenced the situation we encountered. We need to mouve from being reactive to being proactive. Not only with bad situations but the good ones as well.
We have to remind ourselves of all the times that we were proud of ourselves, not in cocky way, nor arrogant and narcicistic way. Simply, that we approuve of who we are. We can even hold a GRATITUDE journal, where we can note 1, 2 or 3 things that we are greatfull for each day and read all of those things to us, at the end of the week.
Indeed, gratitude is key to increase our appriciation of life, making it easier to appriciate ourselves, improuving our self estime and therefor, our self worth.
Today, what I’m more greatfull for, is my daughter, who is 16 years old now. She is a single child. Now that she has only me as a parent, it is even more important for me to improuve my self love. That way, she can get the best of me and not the rest of me.
Now, I am learning to be more assertive. No more shyness to express what I really believe in, even if it contradicts the majority. It is Eleonor Roosevelt, wife of former president of the United States ( during the 2cnd world war ), said once that noone can make you feel inferior without your permission.
It is sad to see that : when someone with low self estime meets someone who is confident, the person with the low self estime calls the confident one arrogant. In fact it is his self percetion that is itimidated by the other one’ confidence.
I realized that another way to increase our self esteem is with the practice of PERSONAL INTEGRITY, meaning, staying true to ourselves and remaining authentic.
In conclusion, I summarize 6 concepts for improuving our self love, by practicing self awareness, self acceptance, self responsability, self approuval, self assertiveness, and personal integrety.
CONCLUSION
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Heart Mind Equation, To unlock hidden potentials.